“Your will, not mine. Your will, not mine. Your will, not mine.”
The words became a chant, a silent song during my run the other day. As I made my way around a pond and up a hill, I realized that my life was teetering on the edge of a knife, and I could go either way.
For four years, I had been on track to a particular graduate school, a particular program… Then that morning, I finally accepted with perfect clarity the thought I had refused to acknowledge for months: I didn’t want to go into that program or that career at all. I wanted a different one.
Never mind that both programs start in a month, and the deadline for admittance into them had been closed for over a month.
But I could not get His voice out of my head, the truth He was telling me, the choice He had put before me.
So I sent an email before I went on that run, and worshiped and prayed while I moved under a morning-grey sky. I talked to God in a prayer of desperation and need, the kind in which you do not worry about the words or how you say them; you just want to be heard by the One who can
help.
I had an email waiting for me when I got back from my run: “We’d love to have you in our program. I had the same experience at your age to switch tracks.”
He works wonders, but not always the wonders we expect. And that can be a powerful part of faith – trusting that this new path is good, too.
“We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.” – Proverbs 16:9
~ Monica Caropreso